Abusive and controlling relationships

[duke63]

A bit deep maybe for Tankslap but not long been back home this evening having had a colleague open up to tell me she has been in an abusive and controlling relationship for most of her married life and is leaving him at the weekend and he doesn't know.

This is the third time in my life I have known this happen to people I have worked with or been friends with.

How many men are there out there acting like complete and utter scumbags to the person that supposedly means the most to them?

I just struggle to get my head round how common this appears to be as I have also had male friends who I am almost certain treated their wife/girlfriend in that way.

Beggars belief really.



Anyway rant over.

[Perkles]

It's not just women that suffer I was in an 8 year abusive and controlling relationship with a rather vile women years ago
It's was the worst time of my life and I suffered silently

[duke63]

Sorry to hear that Perkles.

I was aware that it works both ways and women can act in the same way.

The lady tonight was telling me how she always thought it was her fault which i guess is a common theme and part of the controlling nature of the other party.

[Kwacky]

As Perkles says, it's not just men. I've known a couple of mates be in abusive and controlling relationships.

[Blade]

Strange that people endure these kind of relationships for so long.

Are there kids involved Duke ? Always worse if there is unfortunately so I hope not in this case.

[duke63]

Kids have grown up and left home, Blade.

[Kwacky]

My mum's second husband turned out to be a wife beater. I was about 18 when I came home to find him pinning her to the floor, trying to strangle her. He was that angry I couldn't get him off

He was charged with GBH with intent. She dropped the charges because he loved her and was going to change.

Guess what?

Fortunately he took his own life a short time afterwards. Good job really as I knew some very nasty people who were more than happy to solve the problem for me.

[Perkles]

Guilt and how manipulative the abuser can be keeps you in the relationship ,my x used to threaten suicide when I wanted to break up with her.She was a proper pyhsco and used to regularly lash out at me,she gave me two black eyes once

[Blade]

Kids have grown up and left home, Blade.

Well at least that's a blessing.

[Deegee]

Perkles, I had a girlfriend that tried that trick, she had tried it once before before I met her and I saw the scars, when I finished with her she said she'd kill herself if I went through with it, so like a heartless b*st*rd I said crack on. Oddly she was still about 10yrs later.....

Re Dukes original post, I just don't get men that hit women, if you sink to that level you've forfeited the right to call yourself a Man.

[Rossgo]

Very deep duke. It really doesn't make sense to me how can someone do this to a person they are suppose to love. Im sure all our missus do our nut in at some point but never to that point.I just hope the lady was able to walk away and be safe

[Binno]

My thoughts.

Is she fit?

Shoulder to cry on.?

[Monty]

Very deep duke. It really doesn't make sense to me how can someone do this to a person they are suppose to love. Im sure all our missus do our nut in at some point but never to that point.I just hope the lady was able to walk away and be safe

Insecurity, fear and probably nurture would be my guess. Although they could just be evil feckers

[bb41]

I was in an abusive marriage for over 20 years, It's not that easy to leave as you are conditioned to think it's you who has the problem

[Blade]

I know quite a few friends and colleagues are very much controlled by their partners. Although there not abused there very much controlled. Their not allowed to do anything without asking permission first and even then often not allowed.

Me and my wife know our boundarys and treat each other fairly and respectfully but neither of us would ask the others permission. We are grown ups and treat each other as such. If I knew something I did offended or upset my wife I wouldn't do it and she treats me the same.

Can't understand why people would want to stay in any relationship where they can't be there self but I do accept it can be difficult to leave for a variety of reasons.

[bb41]

I was financially independent and left 4 times but still went back...the people who do this are manipulative .

You have to learn that the person doing the abuse are the weak ones...until then you are trapped

[Si.]

As you know, i deal with women all day long.

There's a fair few who have confided in me that they have or are in abusive relationships.... many emotional abuse as well as physical. Its horrendous.

Bullies and low life of the highest order in my opinion. Like BB41 said, they are financially dependant so are scared to walk away...on the other hand, they are made out to feel they are the problem.

There's a girl in work who is now on maternity, she regularly came in with black eyes, bruises etc..but still didn't leave. She wasn't dependant on the little shit at all, still lived at her mums and could walk away anytime. She got pregnant by him AFTER TAKING HIM TO COURT! had is baby and now they both share a place together.... 2 days before she left for maternity (8mths pregnant) she came in with a black eye. The amount of times we've consoled her, helped her etc... she still went back. It's not as if she didn't have a choice... the mind boggles!!!

She is now on the register with Claire's law and social services (my wife is part of the neo-natal baby services)...not good!

[Blade]

That is horrific Si.

I don't know how you held back. The fact the scumbag is hitting a woman is horrific enough but hitting an 8 month pregnant lady who is shortly to be the mother of your child defies words

He deserves a taste of his own medicine to put it nicely and I really hope Mr low life cowardly bully gets his come upense and gets it soon

[duke63]

The violent ones are usually shit scared of other men as they know they would fight back.

[Blade]

Scumbag cowardly bully needs to have an accident.