Joke of the day

For all the none biking stuff. Say hello, chew the fat or flame the forum.
User avatar
Stonesie
Posts: 2348
Joined: 11 Jun 2014, 21:43
Your Bike: BMW R1250GSA
Has thanked: 1379 times
Been thanked: 1459 times

Re: Joke of the day

Post by Stonesie »

Image
User avatar
kiwikrasher
Posts: 8862
Joined: 17 Mar 2014, 04:32
Your Bike: ‘16 Thruxton R. '10 Multistrada 1200 S.
Location: Kurrajong Heights, NSW, Australia
Has thanked: 4577 times
Been thanked: 4647 times

Re: Joke of the day

Post by kiwikrasher »

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the girl you were with?"
"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Nina Capelli?"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."
"Was it Cathy Piriano?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"
"Please, Father! I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"
"Four months vacation and five good leads..."
Happiness is not a destination. It is a way of life.
User avatar
duke63
Posts: 15493
Joined: 22 Oct 2013, 07:34
Your Bike: Ducati 748/853 & Triumph Street Triple 765RS
Location: Staffordshire
Has thanked: 4170 times
Been thanked: 4124 times

Re: Joke of the day

Post by duke63 »

Image
User avatar
Blade
Posts: 18772
Joined: 14 Mar 2014, 18:43
Your Bike: Kawasaki ZX10R
Location: North West
Has thanked: 3134 times
Been thanked: 3767 times

Re: Joke of the day

Post by Blade »

Is that a Jackdaw, or a Jack Knife (giggle)
User avatar
duke63
Posts: 15493
Joined: 22 Oct 2013, 07:34
Your Bike: Ducati 748/853 & Triumph Street Triple 765RS
Location: Staffordshire
Has thanked: 4170 times
Been thanked: 4124 times

Re: Joke of the day

Post by duke63 »

Good job it’s not a jack hammer.
User avatar
Stonesie
Posts: 2348
Joined: 11 Jun 2014, 21:43
Your Bike: BMW R1250GSA
Has thanked: 1379 times
Been thanked: 1459 times

Re: Joke of the day

Post by Stonesie »

Image
User avatar
D6Nutz
Posts: 7420
Joined: 21 Oct 2013, 21:26
Your Bike: Speed Triple 1200 RS
Has thanked: 828 times
Been thanked: 2604 times
Contact:

Re: Joke of the day

Post by D6Nutz »

The Highways Agency found over 200 dead crows on the A90 near Stonehaven recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the ...bird's beaks and claws. By analysing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with motorbikes, while only 2% were killed by cars.
The Agency then hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of motorbike kills versus car kills. The Ornithological Behaviourist quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "bike"

Sent from my ONEPLUS A6013 using Tapatalk
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

If everything seems under control, you're not going fast enough - Mario Andretti
User avatar
Monty
Posts: 6671
Joined: 12 Mar 2014, 07:59
Your Bike: 2010 ZX6R
Location: Buxton
Has thanked: 2092 times
Been thanked: 2412 times

Re: Joke of the day

Post by Monty »

Your Mother.jpg
Monty™© MCMLXXII
User avatar
D41
Posts: 12923
Joined: 22 Sep 2014, 11:36
Your Bike: Triumph Daytona 650.
Has thanked: 4283 times
Been thanked: 1129 times

Re: Joke of the day

Post by D41 »

The sound would be spot-on, wouldn't it??
User avatar
D41
Posts: 12923
Joined: 22 Sep 2014, 11:36
Your Bike: Triumph Daytona 650.
Has thanked: 4283 times
Been thanked: 1129 times

Re: Joke of the day

Post by D41 »

Or...."For a guy who had no memory of his mother, this was not the imagery Luke really needed"...
User avatar
Stonesie
Posts: 2348
Joined: 11 Jun 2014, 21:43
Your Bike: BMW R1250GSA
Has thanked: 1379 times
Been thanked: 1459 times

Re: Joke of the day

Post by Stonesie »

Image
User avatar
D41
Posts: 12923
Joined: 22 Sep 2014, 11:36
Your Bike: Triumph Daytona 650.
Has thanked: 4283 times
Been thanked: 1129 times

Re: Joke of the day

Post by D41 »

(rolf) (rolf) (rolf)
User avatar
Stonesie
Posts: 2348
Joined: 11 Jun 2014, 21:43
Your Bike: BMW R1250GSA
Has thanked: 1379 times
Been thanked: 1459 times

Re: Joke of the day

Post by Stonesie »

Image
User avatar
kiwikrasher
Posts: 8862
Joined: 17 Mar 2014, 04:32
Your Bike: ‘16 Thruxton R. '10 Multistrada 1200 S.
Location: Kurrajong Heights, NSW, Australia
Has thanked: 4577 times
Been thanked: 4647 times

Re: Joke of the day

Post by kiwikrasher »

An elderly couple had just learned how to send text messages on their mobile phones. The wife was a romantic type and the husband was more of a no-nonsense guy.
One afternoon the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee.
She decided to send her husband a romantic text message and she wrote:
"If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you."
The husband texted back to her:
"I'm on the toilet. Please advise."
Happiness is not a destination. It is a way of life.
User avatar
Stonesie
Posts: 2348
Joined: 11 Jun 2014, 21:43
Your Bike: BMW R1250GSA
Has thanked: 1379 times
Been thanked: 1459 times

Re: Joke of the day

Post by Stonesie »

99b0acf.png
User avatar
Jack
Posts: 2629
Joined: 11 Mar 2014, 21:49
Your Bike:
Has thanked: 1396 times
Been thanked: 1636 times
Contact:

Re: Joke of the day

Post by Jack »

User avatar
Stonesie
Posts: 2348
Joined: 11 Jun 2014, 21:43
Your Bike: BMW R1250GSA
Has thanked: 1379 times
Been thanked: 1459 times

Re: Joke of the day

Post by Stonesie »

wWySqGM.jpg
User avatar
Stonesie
Posts: 2348
Joined: 11 Jun 2014, 21:43
Your Bike: BMW R1250GSA
Has thanked: 1379 times
Been thanked: 1459 times

Re: Joke of the day

Post by Stonesie »

This is me....

Image
User avatar
duke63
Posts: 15493
Joined: 22 Oct 2013, 07:34
Your Bike: Ducati 748/853 & Triumph Street Triple 765RS
Location: Staffordshire
Has thanked: 4170 times
Been thanked: 4124 times

Re: Joke of the day

Post by duke63 »

Image
User avatar
D6Nutz
Posts: 7420
Joined: 21 Oct 2013, 21:26
Your Bike: Speed Triple 1200 RS
Has thanked: 828 times
Been thanked: 2604 times
Contact:

Re: Joke of the day

Post by D6Nutz »

Shamelessly stolen from Facebook.

-

Jeremy Corbyn walks into a Bank to cash a cheque. As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning, Ms could you please cash this cheque for me?"

Cashier:"It would be my pleasure. Could you please show me your ID?"

Corbyn :"Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am Jeremy corbyn, leader of the Labour Party.

Cashier:"Yes, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers and requirements of the legislation, etc., I must insist on seeing ID."

Corbyn: Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am."

Cashier: "I am sorry, mr corbyn, but these are the bank rules and I must follow them."

Corbyn,"Come on please, I am urging you, please cash this cheque."

Cashier: "Look sir, here is an example of what we can do. One day, Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his cheque."

"Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racket and made a fabulous shot where the tennis ball landed in my cup. With that shot we cashed his cheque. So, sir, what can you do to prove that it is you and only you?"

Corbyn stands there thinking and thinking and finally says, "Honestly, my mind is a total blank...there is nothing that comes to my mind. I can't think of a single thing. I have absolutely no idea what to do. I don't have a clue."

Cashier: "Will that be large or small notes , Mr Corbyn. ?....

.....

Sent from my ONEPLUS A6013 using Tapatalk
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

If everything seems under control, you're not going fast enough - Mario Andretti
Post Reply